SEO Copywriting Makeover Good Rankings but No Sales Part 2 of 2

by Karon Thackston 2004-2005

In Part 1 of this article series, we looked at a local home security site that had fairly good rankings but whose conversion rate was lacking. (You can see the original copy here: Here in the conclusion, you’ll see how several changes helped maintain this company’s good rankings while improving their site’s lead generation abilities.

The Rewrite

My first thought with the rewrite was to stop making “trust and urgency” the undertones and instead make them the obvious focal points of the copy. As usual, I started with the headline. The previous headline was:

When every second counts, turn to Top Security, Inc. who has been securing Orlando / Central Florida homes and businesses for 689,453,910 seconds.

I wanted something more direct so I changed the headline to:

Top Security, Inc. of Orlando Security Systems From a Trusted Neighbor

This included one of their keyphrases and also made it perfectly clear this company was local and trustworthy.

For the introductory paragraph, I wanted to get the visitor’s attention and hold it long enough to make a point: That security is something you need to think about now, not later. I opened with the following:

“If only I’d called you sooner.” “I never thought this could happen to me.” These are just a few of the many comments we have heard from our customers in Orlando. Security systems suddenly became a top priority for them, but not until after they’d experienced a frightening break-in or a devastating fire. After these disasters, our Orlando neighbors were convinced that burglar alarm and security issues should be a forethought, not an afterthought.

The copy does not beat the visitors over the head with the fact that they could be hurt, face losses, or experience some other frightening situation. It simply plants a seed of “what if” and moves on.

This section of the copy also lends support to the keyphrases Top Security wanted to rank highly for. Because “Orlando Security Systems” can be an awkward phrase to repeat, I split it up in several instances to help the flow of the copy stay natural.

The remainder of the page speaks to the facts that Top Security is local, has longevity in the community, is right around the corner, and offers several other benefits national security companies simply can’t (or won’t). Benefit after benefit is listed and explained in order to drive home the fact that a local company can – and will – provide exceptional service. You can see the current version here:

All throughout these sections of the copy, keyphrases are reinforced in the copy. When applicable, keyphrases are used in bold phrases or others that include special formatting. However, I never forced keyphrases someplace they didn’t fit just for the sake of doing it. Keyphrase placement has to meld with the copy, not overpower it.

The call-to-action for the home page was simple. It asked three questions dealing with the biggest complaints about home security that users or potential users have regarding dependability, false alarms, and price.

The Results

The high rankings Top Security had prior to the SEO copywriting makeover were retained for most terms and even increased for a few others. While that’s great, what’s more important is that lead generations from the site increased, which gave Top Security, Inc. a broader customer base and the potential to make more sales they previously would not have been able to make.

It just goes to show that, even if your site has high positioning, copywriting can play an incredibly important role in bringing growth to your business. After all, what’s the point of having good rankings if you have no sales?

Karon Thackston is a veteran copywriting pro who specializes in SEO copy. If your copy isn’t getting results, let Karon teach you how to write SEO copy that impresses the engines and your visitors at Be sure to check out Karon’s latest ebook -How To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow of Your Copy)- at